es ist alles wieder offen
As time flew by, the outside world started to become more and more dull. Everything around him went grey and brown. He still was able to distinguish one color from another, but they weren't the way they used to. Eugene couldn't feel colors on his tongue anymore, he couldn't feel anything from looking at them. White rapture and glassy pain were gone, but he still could feel something like that from reading books or watching videos.
His father had a bad eyesight. Once mother pointed at the lemon and said that father sees that lemon as a blur yellow spot. Eugene stared at the lemon and thought that this was surely an elusive lemon, but it wasn’t blurred. So he figured out that his problems with vision had no connection to his father’s problems.
At that time he never heard about “tunnel vision”, nor as he has never met normal description of farsightedness, despite knowing the word and it’s short description. He usually doubted his vision silently, because people were usually saying that he has a good eyesight,. Because he could read words and signs from afar.
When oculists were testing his eyesight, he always was tense. He felt like he would be humiliated if anyone could find out about his problems with vision. So, passing by lists with letters and ripped off rings, he memorized them. And then, during tests, he just repeated aloud what was written in his mind. In the study of eye fundus, oculists weren’t seeing any problems too.
But while his contact with an outside world was ruined, his mind was overflowing with strange and troublesome ideas. He knew that his imagination played tricks on him, and he knew exactly where and what was wrong in his head, but he couldn't figure out ways to stop that delirium.
He started to suffer from obsessive thoughts. Like, for example, that all people in the world played roles in front of him. Like they all were hired and they all were parts of a huge conspiracy against him. Conspiracy that was about to ruin his future, so it would look like he made all choices by himself and no one was to blame. It was all a theatre to make a good impression. Eugene usually quietly listened how his mind produced evil dialogues between people around him. They talked and talked, laughed and smirked, but he knew that there was no proof that this madness had any connection to the real world. His mind even created an old and protective kind creature, which put great hopes on Eugene. He was raising Eugene to rule the world and everyone around him knew that, and they were not happy with that decision. So they tried to ruin everything. Sometimes Eugene couldn’t sleep because his mind was full of dialogues between malefactors. They were discussing conditions for killing Eugene.
He obviously knew that all of that wasn’t real, but he couldn’t shut off his head, so dialogues were going on and on 24/7.
And in his dreams he was always running, so he hated sleeping. He was running to pursue something and he was running away from something, but there were no pauses. And it went like that for 20 years. Every night was the same. Like Groundhog Day, only with nights instead of days and without any cute and furry animals.

@музыка: Inside the winter's creeping

@темы: [i'll read you a story]